In the Pic: Insanity 60 days Total body Conditioning By Shaun T
Have you seen this logo? Well if you have I can bet you are or will be in a better shape-
About a week ago... I was searching for a calendar I can use for my personal 60days weight loss program starting 1st June 2011... My weight loss plan is quite effective and with given proper conditions i can lose weight as I have lost alot before when I was in my home town.. but my home town was humid - free of air conditioning, so and so forth.. We dont have all the great things to eat there... you practically have less to binge -
But that was a long before story I was 18 then... Today I am 25 and much weaker in mind...A while ago I have done a lot of Jillian Micheals and I totally love her but some how...she dont work for me.. She can get you in good shape but the weight loss wont just be that attractive for a person like me who has to sit for 12 hours a day at office...
Yesterday.. I started Insanity - it started on a bad note cause I was on a fight with my BF - so the mood was all heated up..and I struggled to fix the dvd.. but as a determined person I didnot want to miss the calendar date it would kill me inside if I missed June 1st - Just a mind thingy u know..
I started and the warm up was not enough for me to make me warm... - I literally threw up every other second on the fit test... I would run to the basin to puke it was painful... Mid way - I sat and I have never heard my heart pounding that way even if I had to run for my life... This was insane -
I felt I would die -
My stomach was paining as its a flabby mess and too much shaking hurts -
Well i ended up the fit test with average results.. I tried doing my normal workout after that but my heart was paining - could not continue...
Atleast I was done with Insanity Day 1... I tried eating moderately and by the way after insanity... my hunger vanished as I felt I will puke if I ate..
So this was my first day experience.. Now I would like to talk about why I am starting this insanity -
Alot of people around me feel and ask what i do in my excercise room .. sometimes they see me jumping and doing hard things buit I never lose weight -
In my heart I try harder but somewhere I know why I dont lose weight -
Apart from the emotional shyt that goes on in my house I have some mental issues to deal with...
About 2.5 years ago I broke up with my first BF - He was unhappy that I was unhealthy.. So some of the parting lines said - "I dont think you can give birth to healthy babies.."
and I would say - "I am trying, I have lost weight once I will again, its the time thats demanding right now..."
"What if you never made it?" -He said.. "I dont think you will ever make it."
And he left -
Well dont get me wrong -I dont miss him , he ended up with another leaner lady...(Smile)
But sometimes when I workout I still feel he's speaking these words in my ears.. "You will NEVER make it".. and trust me I fall on the ground.. No matter how much I want to do this for myself, my current Bf whos great and my future kids.. yet I fall-
And I hate that -
Yesterday, I fell , fell , fell...everytime I had this thought I would feel the pain in my knees and back that I once had when I was sick during his time and I just could not sustain..
I know this might be boring and repetitive for some of you- but I am in tears..
And many times when I workout I am in tears..koz I fail!
My failures are way bigger to me than what they seem to the people around me..
*******
Now on a lighter note - Today morning when I came to office I saw one of my Female co workers who work under me , wearing a high end branded T.
I am not the one who gets jealous often I admire - Yes she does got a well toned body flat abs and stuff and along with that alot of arrogance- (Grin)
It just makes me feel worst - Having all the money - I can not afford to wear a T koz I am a FLABBY MESS..
Anyways, as I always get back-
Today will be my day 2.. I will concentrate on fueling myself with the right food...
Also I will walk 1000-1500 steps for warm up cause I feel the warm up is not enough for me...
I will try keeping positive-
I have some things to keep me motivated which I will list down once I have their pics..as of now -I will take leave..
- Chucky